Fried chicken

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?
Jack thought a moment, then answered, Fried chicken, sir.

So hospitable the boy is

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

To buy a video

Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.
"I’m afraid we can’t afford one," sighed his mother.
But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.
"How on earth did you pay for that?" gasped his mother.
"Easy, Mum." replied Amos, "I sold the television!"

Its part of the game

Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.

The New Baby

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor had a seven-year-old boy named Pat. Now Mrs. Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much, so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr. and Mrs. Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival. "This house won't be big enough for use all when the baby comes," said Mr. Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said, "What are you talking about?""We were saying that we'll have to move to another house now, because the new baby's coming," his mother answered.

Dinner is ready

My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them.

I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.

It's the smoke detector, they replied in unison.

Does Anyone Want a Nice Clean Plate?

Peter was ten years old. One day his friend Paul said to him, "I'm going to have a birthday party on Saturday, Peter. Can you you come?"

Peter asked his mother, and she said, "Yes, you can go." She phoned Paul's mother to tell her.

Before Peter went to the party on Saturday afternoon, his mother said to him, "Now, Peter, don't forget to be polite. Don't ask for food. Wait until someone gives it to you."

Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him.

Excited Remarks

Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I’m going to have one of those someday, his dad’s response always was Not as long as I’m alive.

How do gentlemen do it

Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

I Just Want $100

Sammy prayed every night for two weeks, asking God for $100.
When he got no response, he thought it would be a good idea to write to God and see if that worked.
The post office received the letter addressed to “God, Los Angeles.” They decided that it would be best to just forward the letter to the mayor. The mayor read the letter and thought it was cute, so he asked his secretary to send the boy $10, thinking the boy would think that was a lot of money for a little boy.
When Sammy got the money, he was so excited that he sat down immediately to write a thank-you letter.

Pirate's Treasure

"Ten steps from the porch and twenty steps from the rose bushes," growled Bluebeard in Jimmy's dream one night. "There be treasure there! Aawrgh."
So the next day Jimmy began to dig. He dug until the hole was deep and the dirt pile was high.

Imitation

A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.

Wrong number

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about thirty minutes, and then she hung up.
"Wow!" said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Who discovered Australia

Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.
Johnny: It's here, sir.
Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
Sammy: Johnny, sir.

All lovely except the music

A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert.
To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocsandices.
Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today, honey?"
"Oh, yes, miss" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."

The climate of New Zealand

Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

The biggest in the world

Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
Teacher: Peter! Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
Peter: Well, well....eyelids....
Teacher: What? Eyelids?
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.

The homework

Teacher: Mike, you're always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time...
Mike: Pardon, sir, this time at first I would not let him do it, but mother was too busy.

Lucky Mother

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?