Fried chicken

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?
Jack thought a moment, then answered, Fried chicken, sir.

Anxious

The wife says to the neighbor: "My husband has not returned all the night; I do not know where he went. It really gives me a hangup!"
An insider says: "Let it be. Would you know where he went, I dare to say that you would be more anxious." 

So hospitable the boy is

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

A Chimpanzee and a Norwegian

In 1990 the Swedes sent their first rocket up into outer space with a crew consisting of a chimpanzee and a Norwegian. On the control panel in front of them was a red light and a green light. When the red light flashed in indicated that instructions were about to come through for the Norwegian and when the green light showed it signalled an imminent instruction for the chimpanzee.

Eat me a punch

Eat me a punch

No Jews

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod --one that did not admit Jews.
The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, 'Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.' The Jewish lady said, 'But your sign says that you have vacancies.' The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, 'You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town...'
Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, 'I'll have you know I converted to your religion.'

The Alligator and the shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

Religious Man And An Atheist

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good- natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.

THE SPEEDY SNAIL

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.

After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

Exposed Breast

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.

Expert Advice

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

A Kind Lawyer?

One afternoon, a lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?"

he asked one man.

THE CRISTMAS PARROT

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.

The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for; a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

Airport

A stewardess wore a sparkling gold necklace, a plane model as a drop, looking unique  and professional. Detecting that somebody around was looking at her, she asked gracefully: “Is it pretty?” “Very pretty, but the airport looks more fascinating.” The other party wisecracked.

To buy a video

Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.
"I’m afraid we can’t afford one," sighed his mother.
But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.
"How on earth did you pay for that?" gasped his mother.
"Easy, Mum." replied Amos, "I sold the television!"

Its part of the game

Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.

Time Is Money

As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light,I asked the driver,"Do you agree that 'Time is money'?"
"Well,it's a very common saying.Who will care so much about that?"the driver answered .
"Look,the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped,"I pointed at the meter.
"Oh.yes.You've got a point here,In this case,time is money for both of us,"added the driver.

Fallen

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen." >From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen." This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Marriage Arranged by an Unborn Baby

The other day a Chinese told me that to go with the traditional custom,one's marriage has to be decided by his or her parents and that accordingly,her mother's marriage was arranged by her grandparents,but her sister has broken the tradition.

"How?"I asked.

Blonde In Trouble

A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump.

When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.